Pouring fire down my thrown to put out the one in my chest. Blurred face mixed with blurred lines.. you mistake the smudgness for conflicted feelings. Giving him everything will only leave you with nothing. Stupid girl, no one loves a slut.
Drink a bit more. You don’t care. You don’t break. You don’t react, whispers and names slowly chipping away. Finally realising who you are, more importantly who you aren’t, nothing but a grain of sand. He’s never going to care about you, you lost him and your dignity in the blurred lines, until everything becomes blurry from the tears you’re not crying.
You’re a fat fucking whore. No personality, no one is going to Fucking love you because you push everyone away. Alienate yourself, prove them right, fuck him one more time- say you hate him once more time. Whispers become your fucking theme tune.
You’re a fucking slut.
I want to die.
People care about me skin deep, but even then- the reason why is because I’m such a fuck up is because they love you. I love you. But I’m not used to that.
I don’t have a reason to be this sad
I think I’m going to cut myself tonight and I’m so scared it’s like there’s a beast inside me I can’t control
My identifier is that i’m a socially awkward shitstorm, it’s not just how I perceive myself in my own self doubt, it is actually how people see me. Why? Because despite my efforts to conceal it, I am whole heartedly exactly that. One huge fucking mess,
My life consists of failing school, saying I will sort it out and then failing life. Builimia has completly overtaken my life, I do not lose weight I just gain. I get completely shit faced regularly, just like what I hate to see my mum do, not like i’m any better. And now I really like this boy, more than I thought, and of course he’s not going to like a fat bitchy fake boring bitch. So yeah I sulk about that now too.
It’s all superficial and dumb. Isn’t everything?
I think i’m having a breakdown, or maybe I have for the last 7 years.
He would be so disappointed.. he would never had wanted me to be this way. Throwing up everything I eat, not doing homework and binging instead, bitching, sleeping around..
I feel like i’m not sad enough to be depressed but on paper everything is falling apart..
darkness isn’t in me anymore it’s more just around me, don’t know which is worse tbh
We are all walking on tight ropes.
Sometimes our strings cross over.
But you can never stop, you have to keep walking the tight rope.
Some of us fall, loose our balance.
Some of us cut our own strings.
All you have to remember is look at the horizon and keep moving, don’t concentrate on someone else’s string for too long, you’ll fall.